some people need to let things lie

hello and welcome to the world stupid contest and the award goes to..... me!!!

jesus christ i took him back thats why .... and he dumps me again after 3 months

ok so it was a couple of weeks ago but im sick of people asking me who,what,when,where and why and doesnt it bother me... its only bothering me now because people wont shut up about it

i have honestly had to come to a realisation... sometimes friends make everything worse and make you overthink things wayy too much.

maybe im being stupid, wouldnt be the first time... he said he cant give me the commitment and attention i deserve, then goes around and chases girls who dont look at him twice... idiot

guess im a bigger one though. i actually thought we would go past 3 month but we didnt, im so naiive and so stupid for actually believing that we would. he tells me he loves me then 2 days later dumps me. i am so sick of putting my head and my heart in the firing line just to get hurt again... should just play a game of russian roulette with the guy. it would be way less painful than all of this. he wants me to be his friend and i am in a way but another part of me just wants to slap him and bring his head back down to earth. it just seems that we were going to work this time and we didnt.

well some of my friends will be happy to know that im not doing it again i just want to stop this pain... maybe im better off on my own, or atleast not being with a lad that will treat me like this. hes admitted to being a commitaphobe but i said i guessed already like 2 month ago and i could try and help and he does this... im over him i just needed somewhere to vent seeing as my friend brought it up AGAIN!!

ok i am slowly going insane in here.... i feel like its a bloody mental institution

my mother is treating me like im a little baby or just retarded, my sister is refusing to be anywhere near me and my brother and kevin just grunt and leave me to it.

i have run out of things to do and i swear to god i am getting cabin fever. i couldnt even go and get a spray tan today because i was too ill. heres a clue if i can walk and can stand properly im not that ill idiot!! also heres another thing i didnt even want the stupid thing i just wanted to get out of the house. Ive been stuck here for 2 days now. Swear to god dont know how people on the dole do it, being stuck inside the house all day. i'm going out of my mind!!

not sure

so yeahh im thinking about growing my hair but i dont knoww, there are 3 options... how it is now, how it was before i cut it shorter and long... but i dont know

the top set is how it is now

the middle set was how it was before the recent cut

the bottom set was the long hair









what do people think which one should i go with?... ps sorry about the bad layout its not working at the minute

photo day

i made it! but now i have to finish a full pe coursework by thursday and we have photo day tomorrow :-O... i hate photo day you always look stoned or something and you always have a dodgy smile.

dont like saturdays

ok got a lot to do today... which is why i am up at 7.30am on a saturday... well first i have a doctors appointment at 8.45, then dancing at 11.15 to 12.30 then i have to go shopping for my friends present and something to wear :/ then actually go to her party.

why cant things be on a sunday as well

ok for those of you who havent read breaking dawn i will warn you that this post contains spoilers!!










Ok you know what never really got me about breaking dawn?? How the hell do they have a baby?? Hello no blood and I'm pretty sure that general area of Edwards needs blood to work really. and why would the baby be like superhuman at growth... if it was half human half vampire shouldnt it really slow down growth because vampires never age?? Im not trying to cause a problem here I just think that meyers has really messed the plotlines up altogether. I can understand the marriage because that can still happen, also the blood drinking i can understand with it being half vampire it needs blood obviously. Then Jacob imprints on renesme... i think theres unresolved issues there people!! personally i think that he still wants mommy but cant have mommy so has baby.. Sicko... I am talking about the characters not the actors ok.

school before it even begins

leaving things to the last minute is not a good thing!!

i have a week and 2 days to do an evaluation on an experiment that i did 6 weeks ago and read a full book

oops

too tired to pick up

ok im getting quite freaked out

my house phone is ringing at 1:37 in the morning :| dont they know people generally sleep at that time??

i got the time off of my laptop thats how i know down to the minute. and im not getting it... theres spiders in our living room and im really tired

love these songs

geez i feel like i'm using this thing like twitter now =] but i think i'm more using it as a diary but still.

i love these songs at the minute... i guess the pure difference between these songs show how.... actually i cant think of a word for me right now, oh well here you go.





sorry about the paramore one... they arent letting video leave US at the moment =[

my posts are quite random at the minute lol im sure they will calm down when i go back to school

masquerade!

i am quite literally bouncing off of the walls with excitement now!!

my friend is having a party and all i need now is the shoes and the bag maybe. of course i would need my hair doing closer to the date but apart from that im sorted.

right i have a green dress with a black mask with other colors on it as well as green, do you think that sounds ok? well i guess i'll no on the night.

dancing realisation

I have just had a realisation about my life

Why do I dance?? i have to stop competing at something like 21 and I'm too bad to get a career out of it so why bother?

I'm just going to leave it alone for now because I'm sue I will get out of my slump eventually, hopefully by next saturday

mentally disturbed

ok, for some reason everytime i look in the mirror all i see is fat. the fat on my legs, my arms and my stomach. this doesnt normally happen to me and its scaring me.

my brother 'commented' on it the other day and now thats all i can think about. blubber. i feel like a whale....

i just want to be a healthy size for my height (i'm quite small height wise so my ideal range should be between 7.5-9 stone i think) but now i dont think i am...

is something wrong with me??

birthday resolutions

happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me,
happy birthday dear me,
happy birthday to me

oh yeah and my brother

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
happy birthday dear james,
happy birthday to you

well, it was last week... maybe a bit more than that the 29th July :) but yeah I am finally 15

and I kind of have this tradition where i make a bunch of promises to myself that i would never normally keep but this year i am going to try :)

umm so this year i think i will try and eat healthier and actually tone up

so what about you? what would your birthday resolutions be?

london!!

yay!! im going to london in two weeks!!

well if my mam pays for it i will

or well she probs will anyways

anywaiis got to go argueing with my ex over whether im a slag or not byee

yes its another guy problem!

ok so if you havent already noticed my life revolves around four main thing........ boys, my looks, music, and school and probably in that order (my priorities are in the right place im just quite a vain person and i still focus a lot on school just those other 3 would distract me in an instant)



ok then so i have another boy problem

i like this guy (yes i am over my ex boyfriend and no i am not a slag, im just not a girl who is going to sit around waiting for a guy to come along or realise something thats just not going to happen)

well heres the problem........
first hes my ex bfs mate
second he went out with my friend for ages before they broke up about 3 weeks ago
third he went out with another one of my friends last week : but that didnt last long


but i know him really well and he has admitted to liking me and i like him but because of the complications i dont know whether i should ask him out or not. should i ask my friend if she ok with it? should i just forget about it?

yes it is another problem and guys are my first main thing but im hopeless with them

strange person

haha never guess what i found...................... a freckle!!

but this isnt just an ordinary freckle it is in the shape of a love heart, ive been told its impossible but ive proved people wrong haha!

so now i have a writ that clicks if i turn it in a circle, bottom eyelids that i can make wiggle, changing eye colour, an extra rib on one side and a freckle in the shape of a heart

oh and i want that usb stick because its quite cool




god hope i dont get cancer........ oh well another probloem for another day

(only joking about the extra rib..... there all normal for what i can count)

:|

You never guess what I managed to do

Swallow a bracket.... so there is now a sharp piece of metal in my stomach.

wow i am such an idiot and i was only eating pizzae

R.I.P

My budgie died the other day :(

my budgie who ate my dinner, drank beer, nibbled on my feet, didn't fly and instead took rides on my shoulder instead of flying died at the age of 8 the other day :(....

So yeh R.I.P Rainbow you will be missed

Rainbow
28.12.2000-14.05.2009

boredd!!!

ok i am officially obsessed with taylor swifts music!

i love it to pieces.... you can just relate to it so much

ok and i kind of think the in the you belong with me is quite good looking :)

but my friends partys been confirmed like she has the hall and everything and i so know what kind of dress i want but im not telling because i havent even asked ma mam if i can go yet..... but i will (i know that sounds spoiled but i will hitchhike there if i have to im not missing my friends 16).

anyways hopefully il have summit good to blog later on because my life is boring full of exams at the minute so yeh

confuion

ok i am seriously confused now.... i was talking to this girl that never normally changes her mind and she just did about what i should do because i feel like i should apologise over people being nasty to him today and having a go at him over the way he dumped me. but i dont know. but after her telline me not to for about half an hour she says go on and im like :S


i am a very confused child

warning

just so you guys know that from now on i will probably be blogging about everything pretty much so that means that nothing is safe apart from names because thats just cruel.


ok then im going to bed night everyone

w.e

we finished our work experience today.... i was working at a primary school in reception

now they have given me a sticker of a seal, a drawing/writing that says hope you have a good time in your new school i think and a drawing saying i have a fend :). i know its meant to say frienb but there only 4 and this one lad asked me when i was leaving and i said today so he said so are you going to whitby with us? and i asked when it was and he went june. also one of the girls asked me if i would go to their school and be in their class if my school closed down... bless them they have no concept of time at all.

im going to miss it but still

broken again

he dumped me..... again!

i don't believe this i wish the boy would make up his mind wether he likes me or not because this is getting stupid. I mean he would probably say that he hasnt seen enough of me but if i havnt been at dance comps ive been in barcelona n if i havnt been in barcelona then ive had more dance comps and after that i had work experience were i havnt even been able to get in until 5 so how in the world am i meant to go out after then seeing as i have to wait for my mam to make tea and stuff before i can even go out and that takes me to about half 7 so i really cant go out unless i walk down there and only spend about half an hour out which i really dont see any point in doing.

i guess my walls going up again..... seems like i cant ever take it down because when i let people they turn out to be little arseholes who i think love to make me cry.

last time he did this he said a couple of days later he still loved me and tht he was an idiot and i've told him that if he says that again then im not going to believe him..... well apart from the he was and always will be an idiot and just an idiot in general.

a lot for speechless

ok i dont really know what to say because i am seriously tired and i only have about 5 mins before my computer crashes agaiin. I figured out that it cuts out on me every 15 mins so yeh i only have about another 5 mins...

i was right about the two mates going out.... 2 days together and they broke up. I know nobody likes a gloater but thought id tell.

umm..... or yeh have to go to comps and i have to leave the house at 11 and dont get back in until after half 7 and thats if we dont watch the supremes so im kind of annoyed because im only in 1 dance :(. but its ok because we can always go for a mooch around hartlepool and scare everyone with our drag queen rejects makeup.... seriously the makeups white eyeshadow on top of the eye, blue eyeshadow on the bottom part over the actual eyelid, foundation about 2 shades darker than your actual skintone, pink blusher, eyeliner on the bottom and top with flicks that reach to about your temple and red lipstick for a bare minimum.

i have work experience on tuesday because mondays a bank holiday and i have no clue what i am wearing. i dont een know what smart is the only smart i know is like going to a wedding and i dont think their looking for that kind of smart, and it says no jeans and they fill up like half ma wardrobe.

sorry if ive gone into msn talk at the minute im trying to balance msn and blogging at the same time and i talk msn talk on msn.... dont even know why its just quicker and easier and i try to talk normal on here so mroe people can understand me because some of the words me and my mates use on msn aren't even a real language like roflmaowtime, il give you bonus points if you work that one out.

does anyone have any idea how many reality things there are on tv that happen to a lot of people on a day to day basis by the way?? i mean theres something about a man giving half his liver to his mam.... hello hasnt anyone heard of organ donation?? a lot of people do that every day all over the world. Also theres one about a child genious... there tend to be more than one in the world you know.


ok this has gone from gloating, to ranting to general talking. not bad for someone who hasnt got anything to say

comps

omg comps are tomorrow i cant wait! im only in two dances but still its still a reason to perform.

but i dont get a dancers pass because i dont have solos though so i have to pay to get in :(

oh well never mind

but my sis got new costumes again and they're really pretty and she has finally got a tutu for her ballet! if you cant tell already im a bit hyper and have no reason to be putting this amount of smileys and exclamation points apart from i want to !! :):)

ok and this is just for people who are complete strangers to the dancing world i have grown up in and so that they know what I am going on about in later posts.... i am doing this because i think abyone is stupid or anything its just so that everyone knows what i am going on about because i tend to shorten words because i know them...




comps--- dance competitions were a couple of dance schools get together and compete against each other with troupes, solos, duets and trios... they compete to get the most awards as they can and the main goal is to win the supremes... you have to stop competing when you are about 21 i think

supremes--- the supreme championships... basically in dance comps its kind of like showing the other dance schools you can kick their butt easily and you get a sash and a trophy.... there are two supremes junior (for 11 and unders i think) and seniors (for over 11s)

troupes--- have to have more than 5 people in and can be most types of dance but the most common are tap, modern, ballet and song and dance

solos--- where the dancer dances on their own, there can be 7 types of dances tap, ballet, modern, character, national, acro, song and dance

duets--- 2 dancers performing together,, there can be the same dances as the solos

trios--- 3 dancers performing together.... again the same type of dances as with solos

dance pass--- a pass to show that the person is dancing in the show and not just trying to sneak in... this pass shows that you dont have to pay but you have to wear it all the time unless your performing :(

acro--- short for acrobatics which is like gymnastics but performed without the mats


i know most of them were obvious but i wanted to clear it all so that nobody was confused later on because i talk about this stuff a lot

:S

ok this might sound weird but i just came back from a school holiday and now two people are going out and i just think its wrong. i mean she broke up with her boyfriend about 2 weeks ago n is still completely head over heels for him and he broke up with his girlfriend 2 days before the trip and the two girls are meant to be friends sort of.... its just.... weird

i really think its not going to last

probably wrong but just needed to say something somewhere

blanking out

ok so i really need help and i really need to calm down

today when i was sat on my bed i completely like blanked out from the world, n i saw my mate falling down the stairs (my mate is epileptic so i am worried) and it was like i was there but couldnt do anything and i like snapped back into reality. ive done this before and i dont know what to do about it. im really scared (please nobody say anything along the words of psychic or anything because i no they are like 1/billion case if they exist at all ok) but when i saw this before it really happened.

i really need help on this one

in a rush

my neighbour is the best

she has brought about 2 boxes of cakes to sell at my dancing so that we can raise some money and a great big giant one shaped like an icecream its sooooo cool!

i really need to get a life don't i??

yeh so im writing this before dancing and i have to leave in 5 mins so i have to make this quick so yeh sorry for the shortness

basically an update on my life.... i have been with my bf for a month now and have his jacket for some reason, i have a show to look forward to, have just done a show were i have to be a hippie, im playing gretel in a different show, umm... and i have the best neighbour ever and the best freinds because to everyone their friends are the best.

so yeh bye!!

my hippie outfit!

right so ive got this show on tuesday and i just thought id let you know what i am going to end up wearing on that day

pocohontas headband (like a plaited one)
halter top (probably yellow but i havnt decided yet)
long floating skirt that im nicking off my drama teacher, its green and will probably come down to my ankles so theres a plus
ankle bells because they sound cool and my antie told me she used to wear them when she went through that stage does anyone know where i can get some from though
sandals, yes i will be wipping my toes out
bright green nail varnish because im cool like that
long necklace with the peace sign on it

im meant to be a psycologist/ psychiatrist whatever they are and never guess what i have to be





a hippie!!

what do you guys think??

I don't now why but I ended up starting to write something, don't know what it is, don't really care to be honest I just wondered what you think.

Hi, my name’s 93561 or at least that’s what I’m known as in the infirmary. I don’t remember my name before that. You know it’s funny, we live our whole lives and you don’t even notice us. We are the race that is yet to be discovered; or rather uncovered. You see people like us. Were not normal. We are the elite few who are born with special gifts from God; we are told that we are chosen before we are even born. We are the chosen cursed few, the ones that never manage to escape.

You see the second we were born we were taken away. Hidden away from the rest of the world, hidden because they were afraid of what we could do. The infirmary takes us the second after birth and we are marked and then treated like dirt until the day we die. The infirmary becomes our stable, until the day we die.

stretched about as thin as a piece of paper

Ok, so right now I have so much going on I honestly think I am going to just end up splitting into about 5 different people to get it all done. So far there is

Drama show on tuesday
Dance show on the 27th
Dance comps on 4-8 April
Dance comps on 2,3,4 May
Dance lessons every tuesday and saturday
Orthodontist monday :(
English coursework that needs typing up
P.E lesson plan that needs doing again- Due in thursday (does anyone have any idea what I can do to improve aim for dodgeball)
Thinking of starting singing lessons
Physics coursework to finish
Biology exam sometime in March/May I think
Cameroon assemblys for year 7s and 4 primary schools!
Drama piece on the brothers grimm in June sometime
Barcelona trip on the 25th April
Need to go shopping for new clothes for said trip
Need to finish paying for trip in about 2 weeks (I have £200 left to pay)
Have to actually learn french this year so I don't crash and burn in my exams

and on top of all this i need to find time to go out with my friends and my boyfriend.

hmmm i think i need help with this one

i am the reason 'blond' became an insult!

ok, I swear down I am the reason that blonde became an insult. My friend actualy said that I am 'Incredibly blond' today and this morning I managed to slip over because I walked on the only bit that could get slippy out of all the grass.

Also I manged to make myself cry from laughing so hard in science today, and hit my head off the desk when someone hit their hand off it and my head was on it.... oh and then do it again when my friend told me to do a demonstration and didnt think it would hurt. Then nearly fall off my chair without swinging on it.

I swear I am so talented

did i just make the biggest mistake ever?

ok, well i was going out with this lad for a bit (well it was more like a week really) but i thought i liked him for a bit before we started going out and today (this was after i got him a load of stuff for valentines because that is just how daft i am) i dumped him because i said i liked him better as a mate. but now im starting to think that i like him as more.

I think i complain a lot on blogger but yeh, my life has a lot of bad things going on at the minute... it doesn't suck but is very complicated.

but now i dont know what to do because its kind of like ruined our friendship and i think i still like him and dont know what to do so basically im saying

!!i need help!!

explanation about the scar

ok, so in the last post (that i posted just now) i said about a scar well just so that there is no curiosity over it i thought i would tell you guys what it is.

well, when i was younger and was learning to ride a bike my mams boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to go on a bike ride on a track that had like the steepest hill in the whole nearbouring areas, so we went down one side and it wasn't so bad and carried on.

By the time we were on the way back it hadnt been such a great day for me, i had neary been hit by 2 cars and my brother thought it would be funny to tell me it was ok when a bus was coming and me nearly get hit with a bus. so we were on our way back and we went down the other side of this hill, my brakes werent working overly brilliant and i didnt turn in time, i crashed into the crash barrier at the bottom went flying over the handlebars and ripped my chest open.

i got taken to hospital and had to have my chest sewn back up it was kinda weird though because while it was still open i could see part of my bone and the doctor said if i wasnt wearing my coat i would have been in serious trouble as i had just missed a serious artery.

its not all bad though i did get a couple of days in hospital eating nothing but pizza and icecream and i got a scar off of it. right now it isnt so brilliant because now it hurts and is still there, its been about 7 years since he accident and the scar is still there.

stressing out!

ok, so i know this sounds seriously bad but i have stage fright and i dont know how to get rid of it and i have a show on tuesday! help me! its not so bad when i am dancing but when i have to actually stand there and say something it gets really bad and then i have to quite literally sit down and take a good couple of deep breaths before i can carry on, and i have to be 'floopy' as my teacher called it so i honestly dont know what that is so as you can tell i am honestly freaking out here! i need help.... badly.

oh yeh and my boyfriends birthday is on valentines day in 2 weeks so i am stressing out about what to get him, because i only started going out with him for a couple of days

all this stress cant be good i think that im going to break out! only kidding that isnt really much of a problem for me but this stress cant be good for my bad chest, whenever i get stressed or do too much exercise my scar hurts and starts to pull.

9 pounds in 3 days

I cant believe how i did it but i managed to lose 9 pounds in 3 days, its really freaking me out!

rather proud of these

I am rather proud of these they started out as doodles and ended up as dresses and a picture! tell me what you think and i might put them on models if people like them, can you ignore the scribbles though and the highlighted thing on the back of the last one i got a bit frustrated! oops

By the way that is my bright pink thumbnail in one of the pictures

my mums the bacon winner!

Yes, i am that dosey i said my mum is the bacon winner! i think that this is going to become a classic, yep rite up there with weres ya bluetooth? and whats mfc?

oh and i think my mates going to kill me with her tack room keys tomorrow because i admitted to something today. oops.